Developing good sleep habits in babies can seem tricky and tiresome at first, but the payoff is well worth the investment. Katie shares her experience with teaching Nolan to fall asleep all on his own…
I’m sure that you’ve heard someone say, “Don’t wake the baby!” Even if you haven’t had a baby, yet, you’re probably familiar with this scene: Rock baby to sleep, carefully lay her down, an unexpected noise wakes baby, rock baby again, gently lay her down, tip-toe or even crawl out of the room as to not wake the baby, repeat as necessary. And anyone who makes a sudden sound is in big trouble!
You probably haven’t heard the phrase, “Don’t rock the baby (to sleep).” This might sound shocking to you as it did to me when I first read about this concept. As the birth of my son got closer, about a year ago, I read more and more about babies. It probably got to the point of annoyance for my friends as half of my conversations began with, “Well, I read…”. I didn’t read so much because I was unfamiliar with babies. I had been babysitting from about age 13 into my college days. It’s just that I really enjoyed learning more!
Although I’ve been familiar with small children, I was shocked at this suggestion from one of my books: “Don’t rock your baby to sleep. Lay him in bed before he falls asleep.” I was beyond confused! Rocking a baby to sleep is like breathing air, it’s just what you do! It’s like they were suggesting that we put an end to everything good and innocent in the world! Plus it’s a sweet, precious time, knowing that she’s comfortable in your arms and chest. There is nothing more adorable than a quiet, sleeping baby.
But I agreed with the philosophy behind this new concept, even though it went against everything that seemed normal to me previously. So I entered motherhood ready to put my son in bed for naps and nighttime… awake!
I know that this might sound cruel and insensitive, to abstain from an opportunity to hold my son before bedtime, ushering him into sleepyland. But I actually feel like I’ve given him an even greater gift than falling asleep in my arms, the ability to peacefully fall asleep on his own. We still have sweet, cuddly rocking times. There are definitely exceptions, such as sick days or post-operation days, when I’ll comfort him (and myself) by rocking him to sleep. And even on normal days, I get my opportunities to hold him closely.
When it’s time for naps or bedtime, I don’t expect him to go immediately from playing hard to falling fast asleep. (Although some days, it seems to happen that way.) Normally, I set up the environment to help him wind down. Turning down the lights and sounds, I hold him and sway or rock. Once he appears to be calm, I lay him down. He fidgets around, gets comfortable, and falls asleep!
I’m not writing to convince anyone to change from the routine that you feel comfortable with. However, if you’re expecting a baby soon, and interested in hearing different ideas that might be helpful, you might like to consider this one. These are some of the benefits that I’ve experienced:
- My son has learned to see his room as a comforting place.
- If he wakes up in the night, he’s able to fall back asleep on his own.
- I don’t have to worry about breaking his habit of being rocked to sleep as a toddler.
- Instead of spending hours rocking, I have more time to myself.
You might be thinking to yourself, “That sounds nice and all, but it can’t be that easy.” You’re right. At the beginning it’s hard, probably harder for the mama than the baby. But through consistency (which I wasn’t always great at), you can get to that point of a peaceful naptime/bedtime, letting your baby fall asleep on her own. And if you’re planning to establish this routine with your new baby, it will be easier when you start from the beginning.
You might be thinking I’m crazy, which I am in some ways. But if this is something that you’re interested in discussing, just leave me a comment. I’m always open to questions, criticism, or more suggestions!
– Katie
hey katie. good topic. with my two kids, they were both very different when it came to sleep habits, though one thing has been the same: i nursed them both to sleep for naps and nights (for my big kid til age 2 and still with my little one). with the big kid it was only a problem because he learned *only* to fall asleep nursing, which was partially my fault because i was so full of anxiety that i never let him make a peep (i.e. cry). it was also his fault because he just really liked nursing, which was fine by me. with my little one, we have developed flexibility in how he falls asleep, which i am thankful for. i love nursing him to sleep, so whenever i put him down for naps and nights, that is what i do. but, my husband or his grandparents can also easily put him to bed with minimal fuss. i am thankful for both scenarios! some day soon nursing will end so i am enjoying our sweet quiet moments before sleep while i can.
Those sweet quiet moments are precious! And that’s a good point about other people laying them down to sleep. It makes it easier and smoother for everyone when they’re adjusted to a routine that daddy or grandparents can replicate.
Following up with this article, I’ve received feedback from some of my readers that affirms to me that this is a controversial topic. I appreciate the responses and completely understand. And by no means do I think that what I’ve written would pertain to everyone.
Unfortunately, I think that picture with this article doesn’t convey the message that I’m trying to share. Laying my son in bed is a peaceful, happy time. I sit with him in the rocking chair and read a story or two, my husband comes in for a family hug & prayer. Then our son quietly settles in bed. It’s pretty much been like that from day 1. I’m happy to say that he sleeps extremely well!
This allows me to spend more time with my husband, God, and time working around the house. Then when my son is awake, I can give him more of my focused attention. I’m SO thankful for the opportunity that I have as a stay-home mama to spend my days with my precious son playing, dancing, singing, cuddling, hugging, & kissing.
I appreciate getting feedback. Keep it coming!
Hey Katie! Thank you for sharing your experience in the article. I’m always amazed at how well Nolan does on his own… he’s so easy going! I think you’re doing a great job with him.
I have to admit that in our house, C hasn’t really learned to put herself to sleep yet, and I selfishly haven’t really tried too hard. I love holding her and singing her to sleep, and although I’m sure my back will start complaining soon enough (with all the food she’s been eating lately), I can’t say I regret it yet. I’m one of those ‘life’s too short’ people… which comes with all its pros and cons.
Each child is different, but I’m so thankful you brought up the topic. I think a lot of moms struggle with what to do, and it’s good to know that there are positives either way… hopefully we’ll all stress less that way!
This was a great article, Katie! This is exactly how I put my daughter to sleep when she was a baby. She is now 5, and I NEVER have to tell her when to go to bed. She comes to us every night and says she’s ready for bed. She stays in her bed every night, and I have had absolutely no trouble with her sleeping habits.
I’m currently expecting my 2nd child and plan to develop the same sleeping habits with him or her.
I definitely think this is a great option for new moms to consider!
Katie… you are SPOT ON! Great article and I wish that more moms would take your advice. Yes, all children are different, yet everyone has to learn to fall asleep on their own. When we first started with Cali it was very hard! She cried the first night for 45 minutes (and so did I) until she finally feel asleep. Now, I know people will say that that is too long, etc, but the second night it was only 15, then 5 on the third and now at 4 years old, she knows the bedtime routine and can even tell the sitter what to do. We have now done the same thing with Levi and even though they are completely different children, he knows the routine and will go down for naps and bedtime without a whimper. At 16 months old when I say “are you ready to rock and read?” he puts down whatever he has in his hand and heads to the stairs. Cuddling with your baby is great, and I will not argue that before bedtime is such a special time with your child, but you can still cuddle while they are awake. If you stick with the same routine for nap and bedtime, and put them down awake, your children will be able to develop self-confidence and a security in knowing that when you walk out of the room, you are going to come back. They can fall asleep on their own and have a restful night of sleep, instead of waking up not knowing how they got there or where you are.
I agree with Ana when she says life is too short. But that is why we make the most out of EVERY moment with our children. As a parent, we have to let go of our selfishness and remember to do what is the best for our children and helping them to grow into strong, confident men and women of God is our ultimate goal.
Great job Katie! You are such an awesome mommy and Nolan is going to benefit greatly because God has given him you!
Thanks so much, Jen! It’s so encouraging to hear that even at 4 years old, you’re happy with the decision to let her fall asleep on her own. It’s always fun for me to learn from experiences of other moms, like you, and try out plans that seem to help Nolan become a respectful, confident, and loving kid!
i remember one of my mentor friends telling me that she loved the ferber method because it gave her an “out”…. meaning she could rock or nurse her sweet baby to sleep until it became no longer an option and then the child could then be taught how to sleep on her own. i love that approach, because then a new mommy wouldn’t feel locked into her own rules. its like, cuddle if you want for a number of months or whatever, then when/if it becomes a problem, there are a variety of approaches to teach other ways to fall asleep. its not like you are going to ruin a child’s sleep habits forever if you choose to break your own rules. know what i mean?!
again, great, relevant topic, katie. did you have any idea you’d get such a surge of input on the blog and privately?! ha!
Great point! It’s always okay to change our routines when conditions change. I haven’t heard of the ferber method. Is there a book or site?
(I’m glad that this topic is creating discussions! I think that people feel strongly about this one, one way or the other! So it’s definitely worth talking about:))