Brie’s expecting a baby boy! With all the excitement of having a second child, there are also a ton of questions swirling in her mind. Girls are pretty comfortable raising girls… but when it comes to boys, how do we raise them to be real men?
Well, my husband and I are pregnant for a second time and we couldn’t be more excited. To add to the joy, we just found out we’re having a boy. How fortunate we feel to be able to experience a family with children of both sexes. Truth be told, when we found out we were having a daughter, I was terrified. Would she turn into the sassy, too early of a make-up wearing, pre-Madonna that I had been? Would she talk back, and push the limit with her booty shorts? Man, I sure hope not. At this point, she’s only one and a half. Only time will tell.
Yet to find out we were having a son was a huge thrill for my husband and I. I grew up with only brothers, and I think my husband immediately started fanaticizing about basketball drills on the driveway (not that our daughter won’t be there participating too). But then it kind of hit me. While I can count on the fact that my daughter will give me a run for my money around age eleven, I have not a clue what to expect from our little man.
Having been in the schools for years, there’s been a lot of verbal buzz about “The Boy Problem.” A recent article in The Wall Street Journal, Where Have All the Good Men Gone, talks about an extension of just that. It mentions how girls continue to outperform boys throughout their schooling, and more women than men actually go on to graduate from college. While the girls are busy getting their work done, the boys would rather kill time playing video games. And I’m not just talking middle schoolers here, we’re talking 30 year olds, holding the controllers, still living on Ma and Pa’s couch, refusing to grow up. An “extended adolescence,” is how the article refers to it.
Well, I don’t have to read the statistics, I can just look around my peer group to see the truth of it. All of my friends going after advanced degrees or who happen to have killer jobs and live independently happen to be women. And I perpetually dated the guy with Peter Pan Syndrome until I met my partner: the first man I’d seen with any sort of real direction in his life. And I married him.
Look, I’m not saying that every guy out there is a slacking, video game playing, free-loading, Mama’s Boy, I’m just strictly recognizing a social trend. And this time it’s talking a little bit louder to me because the baby inside of me happens to have boy parts.
Well, clearly, I am far too early into this whole parenting process to have any answers. For goodness sake, my “boy” is negative five months old! It’s much too soon to start stressing about this. But all these books and articles definitely get me thinking. What’s a Mama to do to raise a real man? I’ll just trust that when the time comes, his father will lead the charge. And for the time being, I’ll hope our little man doesn’t get too comfy in there.
Yay! Congratulations, Brie!!! That’s so exciting! I haven’t thought through those questions about my little man’s future. But as an elementary teacher, one of the biggest challenges was keeping the boys motivated. I read somewhere once about the trend of girls accelerating more than boys being attributed toward the average classroom style: sitting still in a desk, quietly listening, etc. When a lot of times boys learn through being active. (Lots of stereotypes going on here, but for the most part, boys really seem to have more need for movement.) So I think that the more opportunities that we give our little guys to move around, the better! Not that it will solve all problems, and not even that I need to try figuring all this stuff out now. But it is interesting to think about!
Great thoughts…thanks!
We have a girl, but this is something I’ve really worried about… especially for C’s sake. I’m all for women excelling and having their own careers, dreams and goals, but it’s so strange that as one sex advances, the other seems to retreat. I think too many parents -trying to tame the tough, aggressive nature in their boys… over-rotate and end up surpressing their masculinity. There’s a big difference, in my opinion, in raising a gentleman and a mama’s boy. No matter how independent, I think most women still dream of marrying a manly man… I hope when C gets there, they’ll still exist!
Amen, Sister. Me too.
It’s funny you wrote about this, because I nearly posted an essay today about the same subject from a different perspective. I’ve been seeing so many articles lately that are really down on men and boys. I’m not sure if it’s a real trend or just a media trend or what, but I find it all pretty depressing to read. Then again, my husband has a PhD in math and my son’s favorite things right now are bows in his hair and reading books, so maybe maybe my perspective is just out of touch with reality.
Also, and I’ll probably be in big trouble if he reads this, but I wouldn’t describe my husband as a “manly man” at all. He’s super smart and funny and sensitive, and I think he’s wonderful. But again, maybe I’m just out of touch with reality.
I think you’re pretty in touch…:)